The Dylan Bieber Conspiracy
by St. Fang of Boredom
Summary: Dylan is really Justin Bieber? He's working for the Italians? Little Men will infest Fang's mind? Maple Syrup Farms? IT'S ALL A CONSPIRACY! Another random parody brought to you by St. Fang of Boredom.


Me: So, this was originally something random that sprang out of me while I was having a convo with Skittles (Fangalicous08).

Fang: She found out that Dylan is Canadian and was like, "First they give us Justin Bieber, now this?!"

Me: And I was like, 'Maybe Dylan _is_ Justin Bieber!'

Fang: This was written probably around 1 in the morning...Explains a lot, huh?

Me: I also added in my 'Conspiracy Theories' that I came up with while doing dishes...I'm on to you, M.G. and David...Oh, and Benjamin...

Fang: Benjamin's a parakeet. The other two are Saint's two Italian friends.

Me: Anyway...Aw, let's just post the random story...

**Claim I'd Be Missing, Therefore I am Dissing:** I don't own Maximum Ride. Still. Darn. You'd think after 30 fics I would, but it doesn't work that way. I don't own Justin Bieber, which is fine by me. I don't own the 'little men that will infest your mind', either. Those are David's. And they're blue.

I do own my Conspiracy Theories, though. Watch out for those Italians and Parakeets...

* * *

Fang's POV

You know when you have one of those moments where you just come to the end of your rope and snap?

This was one of these moments.

"I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!" I yelled, pinning Dylan against a tree.

Dylan winced but said nothing, glaring back into my eyes.

I had dragged him out here in this grove of trees just to talk, but obviously, my temper had other ideas...

"ANSWER ME!" I yelled at him. "JUST WHO ARE YOU?!"

"You _really_ want to know?" Dylan finally asked me.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm asking you, aren't I?"

"Fine." Dylan answered, pushing me off of him a bit. "I'll tell you just _who_ I am..."

"I'm waiting..." I said, crossing my arms.

He took a deep breath, looking at me with a steady, serious gaze. "Fang...I'm Justin Bieber."

...

Huh?

Crazy Dylan say what?

"You're...Who?" I asked him, wondering where the nearest asylum was.

"Justin Bieber!" He repeated. Then, he began to sing 'One Time' just to prove his point.

I stared at him, dumbfounded. You know, though, the more I looked at him and listened to him...

"You're Justin Bieber." I said. "You're a Canadian singer."

Justin 'Dylan' Bieber nodded. "Yes, Fang, I am."

"This doesn't make any sense!" I exclaimed. "Why would Justin Bieber be trying to take Max away from me?"

"Fang, to be honest...It's a conspiracy." Dylan/Justin told me.

"I knew it!" I said. Of course it was a conspiracy! Everything was a conspiracy! And to think they say I'm paranoid...

"What are they trying to do?!" I asked Dylan/Justin. "TELL ME!"

Dylan Bieber Justin Thing sighed. "Alright, Fang, I'll tell you, because I think you deserve to know. The Italians and the Parakeets are planning to take over the world. I'm part of this conspiracy. Join us and never worry again, Fang. You'll have to start out on dishwashing duty, but you'll work your way up in the ranks fast. Soon, Italians and Parakeets will rule the world, with us alongside them!"

I was already shaking my head and backing away. "No way, man. I can't join a World Domination Conspiracy! Besides, I _hate_ doing dishes!"

Dylan/Justin began to walk toward me. "Fang, you'd be a fool not to join us. You aren't a fool, are you?"

I just kept shaking my head and backing up. This conspiring Canadian singer was freaking me out...

"Fang...If you don't join us, the consequences will be great..." Dylustin warned me. "You will fall to the might of the Italians and Parakeets. They will force you to work on their Maple Syrup farms...You will slave over a hot woodstove day after day. And then...The little men will infest your mind..."

Ok, I'm officially at a 10 on the 'Creeped Out' scale. I turned and began to run for my life. Unfortunately, I didn't make it far before I tripped and landed sprawled out on the ground. I started to pull myself to my feet, but then felt hands grabbed the back of my shoulders.

I closed my eyes and screamed, thrashing around, trying to get loose.

"Fang!" I heard Saint's voice say.

Saint? But I was with the Flock...Wait, huh?

I opened my eyes to find myself staring at my pillow. I blinked a couple times, bewildered, then slowly turned my head toward our radio clock. 6:45. Wow.

"Fang, are you alright?" Saint asked me. "You were whimpering and thrashing around."

"Bad dream..." I said, lying back down. I sighed. "Saint, we gotta get that book soon and find out what happens to...Me."

She nodded. "Agreed."

"And...Could you cool it with the conspiracies for a bit?" I asked her.

She just grinned at me. "Don't bet on it."

* * *

And....Yeah.

Fang: Your randomness scares me sometimes.

Me: You scare me sometimes, yet I still allow you to live with me...

Fang: -shrug- We scare each other silly.

Me: Then the sillyness causes this.

Well....

R&R?

And no offense meant to Canadians, Justin Bieber, Italians, Parakeets, or the Little Blue Men.


End file.
